Chapter 17 – How good would it be if Su Yu Ge Ge can love me once?
Disclaimer: This is edited MTL. Do forgive any grammar mistakes as they are my own and not the author’s. I may add some of my own words for clarity sake, but I will try not to change the meaning of the whole sentence. When the author uses 成语 / Cheng Yu, which is something like idiom-like phrases, I may just translate them in simple English if they are not very meaningful. Otherwise, I will add a translation note. An example would be ‘不三不四’, I would most likely translate it as ‘dubious’ depending on the context.
I want to puke looking at the chapter title.
By the way, not an important term but just to clarify this 暗卫 / An Wei, I have been translating it as ’shadow guard’ but it’s not very accurate, the literal translation is dark guard. This term has a few meanings.
- A guard that does things in the dark/secretly.
- A guard that does dark things like killing people.
- A guard that works in the night/dark.
- A security guard
There are multiple ways to interpret this term but I just used ‘shadow guard’.
The steward kept waiting outside, even though their Crown Princess and Tang Qi were both men, but their Crown Princess is already married to their lord. The both of them staying together in an enclosed room was not appropriate, so he continued to stay outside.
Hearing noises from the inside, the steward knocked on the door: “Crown Princess, do you require any assistance from this old servant?”
Yan Ke dragged Tang Qi to the bed, then he took off his outer robe and covered him with a blanket. After a long while, he replied: “No, you can go ahead and leave to do your things. I’m asking Imperial Guard Tang what Shu Li likes. I’m getting ideas for gifts to make him happier.”
[T/N: Btw, Tang Qi is still wearing clothes. Chinese clothes in the past had a minimum of two layers, an inner robe and at least one outer robe. The inner robe is usually plain white. Different dynasties and different states have their own style though so there is a lot of variations.]
The steward heard his words and exposed a pleased smile. Their Crown Princess is so sensible. The day before, he had gotten up early in the morning to prepare a table’s worth of dishes for their family’s lord. Today, he was also preparing gifts for the Lord Crown Prince, their family’s lord was really placed in his heart.
Steward: “Then this servant will take his leave and get on with his chores.”
Yan Ke: “Okay.”
After waiting for the steward to leave, Yan Ke put on Tang Qi’s clothes and hid his face as he left the room. Seeing a young maid head straight towards him, Yan Ke stopped moving.
That young maid pretended to drop her handkerchief and crouched to pick it up.
Yan Ke lowered his voice: “Tell the steward that Tang Qi has left and that I am preparing gifts for Meng You, don’t let anyone come in to disturb me.“
The young maid nodded, picked up her handkerchief and left as if nothing had happened.
Yan Ke smoothly left the prince’s manor without any guards following him. He saw someone selling masks outside and took out a few silver stones from the waist pouch hanging from Tang Qi’s belt to buy a white mask with a smiling face. The sky had turned dark already but there was still time before it was 11.45PM.
[T/N: Money in the past came in denominations of copper coins, small silver stones, silver ingots, gold ingots, bank notes etc.]
Yan Ke looked up to see Yue Kingdom’s bustling capital, he can’t seem to remember what Chu Kingdom’s capital looked like. If Chu Kingdom didn’t still have a person that he couldn’t put down from his heart, he might have already forgotten about the entire Chu Kingdom.
Yan Ke bought a Kong Ming lantern, picked up a brush that the shop owner left on the table and wrote a few words on it. He paid and then went to find an empty area to release the lantern.
[T/N: Kong Ming Lantern is also known as a sky lantern, it’s like a mini hot air balloon. People usually write wishes on it and release it into the sky, it still exists today but it’s usually released on festivals only as it can be a fire hazard. The reason why it’s called Kong Ming Lantern is linked to a person called Kong Ming. He was a famous strategist from the past and it is said that he made these lanterns to send out messages when he was trapped in a city.]
A hand suddenly grabbed on to his hand, Yan Ke’s heart was startled and it went thump-thump.
Yan Ke: “Isn’t it not time yet?”
Su Yu looked at Yan Ke’s reaction, a sneer creeped up the corners of his mouth, this is the type of reaction that Yan Ke should have: “I’ve been following you from the moment you came out.”
Su Yu: “What did you write?”
Yan Ke’s mask was removed by the person behind him. He lowered his head and hid the words on the lantern to prevent Su Yu from seeing them.
Su Yu gently took away his hands and was stunned by the words written.
: How good would it be if Su Yu Ge Ge can love me once?
Yan Ke released the lantern with a red face, one person stood in front and the other behind for a long while, Yan Ke then heard the person behind him whisper softly to his ear: “Good.”
[T/N: See translation note at the bottom.]
Yan Ke’s hands tightened, actually his heart was as clear as a mirror. He knew that Su Yu was only looking for him because he needed help, but he still couldn’t help but sink deeper in love with him.
Yan Ke looked at Su Yu, held up Su Yu’s hands and placed the mask within his own hands into Su Yu’s hands: “Su Yu Ge Ge, help Zi Gui put this on. I’ve never explored Yue Kingdom’s capital before, Su Yu Ge Ge, can you accompany me to look around this place?”
[T/N: Zi Gui is Yan Ke’s other name, Yan Ke is speaking in third person.]
Su Yu’s injury on his ear had yet to recover but seeing Yan Ke acting like he did in the past, he had kept silent and didn’t talk about what had happened in the prison previously.
His heart still felt sour though.
Brushing away Yan Ke’s hand, he threw the mask to the ground: “Back then in the prison, didn’t your royal highness already gave up your feelings?”
Yan Ke didn’t know how to tell Su Yu that the situation back then was not handled by him, so when Su Yu arrived, he tried his best to avoid talking about that situation then. Yan Ke laughed at himself, Su Yu was never the type to endure any grievances in his heart, why would he not ask about it.
Yan Ke lifted his head slightly: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault. If I didn’t do that, Meng You would have never let you go.”
If he didn’t mention Meng You, he would still be able to tolerate it, but once he heard ‘Meng You’, Su Yu angrily clutched Yan Ke’s hands: “He touched you already?”
Yan Ke felt that his wrists were about to be crushed, he didn’t hold back and cried. His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at Su Yu: “He didn’t!”
“Didn’t you say it yourself the other time?!”
Yan Ke: “I said he didn’t! I was just saying that to make you angry that time, I hate you for never caring about me, I hate you for using me to kill my mother.”
Yan Ke cried as he looked at Su Yu, his heart still had something that he didn’t dare to say.
But, even if it was like this, I hate myself even more for still loving you so much.
Su Yu pushed away Yan Ke’s hands. When he went to Yan Ke, he had thought to himself, he should properly apologise to Yan Ke, he understood Yan Ke’s personality, if he showed his soft side, Yan Ke would come to him himself.
[T/N: Author used 晏柯有几斤几两他清楚 which can mean he understands Yan Ke’s personality or he understands Yan Ke’s worth.]
Seeing Yan Ke cry before he had even said anything, Su Yu’s heart was even more upset. Originally, due to the empress’s death, he still felt a bit of a guilty conscience. Hearing Yan Ke’s words, he swept away his sleeves and wanted to leave.
Su Yu: “Everyone must be accountable for their own actions. Since your royal highness still remembers this so clearly, why don’t you write a letter to the emperor to expose this official’s crime, this official will definitely admit his guilt.”
Seeing Su Yu prepare to leave before they even had a full conversation, Yan Ke hurriedly chased after him and hugged Su Yu’s waist. He lowered his head against Su Yu’s back and cried: “Su Yu Ge Ge obviously knows that I don’t have this intention. I won’t tell Imperial Father, nor anyone else. Don’t go, Su Yu Ge Ge don’t go, whatever you want me to do, I will do it.”
Su Yu’s back was facing Yan Ke, he felt that the strength of the hands hugging his waist should be Yan Ke’s entire strength.
Yan Ke, oh Yan Ke, are you even able to leave me?
Su Yu: “I want you to find Yue Kingdom’s city defence map.”
When Yan Ke heard the words ‘city defence map’, his eyes drooped and even more tears flowed from his eyes.
That person occupying his body didn’t lie to him.
Su Yu seeing the person behind him not speaking, thought that Yan Ke didn’t dare to do this, so he decided to throw a bait to him: “As long as you can get the city defence map, I will definitely bring you back.”
[T/N: Author used 放长线钓大鱼 / Fang Chang Xian Diao Da Yu. The literal meaning is that to catch a big fish, you need to use a long fishing line. It’s an idiom that means that one should have long term plans to achieve something big. Usually it is used for situations when you have to sacrifice something small to get something big.]
Yan Ke stayed silent for a long while before he opened his mouth with some self-mockery: “After going back, then what? Send me to yet another country you want in an alliance marriage?”
Su Yu: “No, I will ask the emperor to grant me your hand in marriage, I will marry you.”
Yan Ke lifted his head wildly.
Su Yu: “But, it’s impossible for you to be my official wife. Su Family only has me as their only son, you can only be my concubine. I will marry a daughter from an affluent family to continue my family line.”
[T/N: The status difference between an official wife and concubine is very big and asking a Prince to be a concubine is really demeaning but at the same time, the children of a concubine may be restricted in their career as opposed to the children of an official wife due to the status difference which is why he would want a woman to be his official wife.]
Yan Ke hugged Su Yu even tighter: “Su Yu Ge Ge, I have waited for you for so many years, do you think that I would still be bothered about whether I’m your Official Wife or Concubine? As long as I can be with you, I will be okay even if I can only be an Attendant at your side.”
[T/N: Official Wife, Concubine and Attendant used here are all titles. Official Wife is definitely recognised as being married. Concubine may not be recognised as being married. Attendant is mostly not recognised as being married; they are higher than a servant but lower than a Concubine, they may or may not be a type of concubine as well.]
With bright eyes, Yan Ke looked at Su Yu who had turned around and smiled with tears in his eyes.
Su Yu: “The city defence map should be within the Crown Prince Residence, go look around for it, it should be hidden within some corner of his study room.”
Yan Ke nodded his head.
Su Yu: “Within three days, I want you to find the city defence map and pass it to me. Currently, Meng You is busy dealing with Ming Country, I want to make Yue Kingdom disappear from this world within this period.”
Yan Ke continued to nod his head.
Carrying a bit of hope while looking at Su Yu: “Tomorrow, I will begin searching. Can Su Yu Ge Ge accompany me to play around Yue Kingdom’s capital? It’s been a long time since I’ve been with Su Yu Ge Ge.”
Su Yu frowned: “Official matters should take precedence, go back. If you find it, just let the maid in your manor inform me, do you understand?”
Yan Ke nodded with his sight on Su Yu’s shoes. Tears blurred his eyes as he watched Su Yu turn and leave him further and further away.
If I had those city defence map, would your eyes see not only the things that profit you, but me as well?
Yan Ke prudently bought a set of clothes outside and threw Tang Qi’s clothes away. He entered the main door of the Crown Prince Manor while making a big show of it.
The steward welcomed him back with a smile, he wanted to ask Yan Ke how was his progress on his gift but without even a glance at the steward, Yan Ke ignored him and walked away.
The steward pondered over this for long while and sighed: “I really don’t understand what young people these days are thinking.”
The steward gathered some shadow guards, narrowed his eyes and asked with a lowered voice: “Do you guys know when the Crown Princess went out?”
The shadow guards were also stumped and shook their heads: “We don’t know, we only saw Imperial Guard Tang walk out alone.”
The steward snapped: “You guys need to be more alert next time, we cannot afford the consequences if the Crown Princess met with an accident.”
Shadow guard: “Yes.”
Even though Su Yu gave him three days, but Yan Ke knew that he couldn’t take his time. He didn’t know when the other person in his body would come out, and he also didn’t know how to get rid of that hindrance spirit. He only knew that, while that person hasn’t come out, he should quickly find the city defence map and leave this place.
Yan Ke thought of the past few days when he was being suppressed, watching the other person’s conduct and actions, it would be a lie to say that he wasn’t envious.
That person was rebellious, he had a character of doing as he pleased just like a hurricane, going anywhere he wants. The only thing he had on his mind was divorcing Meng You, carrying a few material possessions and then travelling the world.
How can anyone not envy this.
If he could, he would as well, empty his heart of all thoughts and travel the world.
Yan Ke had just walked to the study room entrance when a shadow guard jumped down from the rooftop.
Shadow guard: “Crown Princess, the Crown Prince study room is a restricted area, without his permission, no one can enter.”
Author has something to say:
Love you all!!!!!
Leaving a message will benefit your cute lord author!
[T/N: Original text was 留言将会收获你们可爱的作者君一枚！Not sure about the 一枚 Yi Mei part so I didn’t translate that part. It’s something like ‘Leaving a message will let your cute lord author collect an eyebrow’. ]
The words written on the lantern 苏御哥哥爱我一次可好？/ Su Yu Ge Ge Ai Wo Yi Ci Ke Hao? can be interpreted as “How good would it be if Su Yu Ge Ge can love me once?” or “Can Su Yu Ge Ge love me once?”. Su Yu responded with 好 / Hao. It can mean “Good” or “Yes”.
IMO, Su Yu’s response is quite ambiguous. Su Yu’s response can mean that “Yes, it will be good if I loved you.” or “Yes, I do love you”. Since I may be reading too much into his response, I put this note at the end to not influence you guys.
Haha anyways, finally found a sweeping sleeves gif. I didn’t put this on top since it would spoil the mood.
Below is a rough explanation of the difference between an official wife and concubine. It’s not important to read though.
Men can marry multiple people but the people they marry can be an official wife or concubine, there can only be one official wife though.
Marrying as an official wife means to 当正房/Dang Zheng Fang/Literally be in the official position. Marrying as a concubine means to 当偏房/Dang Pian Fang/Literally be in the side position. Sometimes concubines may also not be recognised as being married to their husband.
An official wife has the highest status/power. They are usually the ones who oversee internal household affairs as well. What that means is that for example, if the official wife doesn’t like the concubine, they could reduce the number of servants/allowances allocated to the concubine. Of course, the husband can step in when the imbalance is too much but the husband doesn’t usually get involved with internal household affairs.
The children of the official wife and concubine will also have different privileges which will affect their future but since this is BL without Mpreg, I won’t mention the differences.
Also, status in ancient China was very important, being an official wife and concubine also controls how other families treat you. For example, if two people want to build a relationship so that they can work smoother in their jobs as a minister/general, they may get each of their official wives to meet up to build up a relationship. Concubines are usually left out of these types of meetings so there is a loss of networking opportunities.
When there are royal banquets in the palace, ministers/generals also usually bring only their official wife along.
There are more differences, but these differences are just to illustrate how much worse it is to be a concubine instead of an official wife.